Whip Lash es
This never ending leap between finals and graduation is making me tense up. The thought of moving onwards, to bigger or better or smaller or worse is causing anxiety that I am unsure of how to handle.
Where do I go? Is taking a semester off really what’s best? What is best?
There is no brochure on how to glide swiftly through these growing stages of your life. To be blunt: every stage is a growing one. We are weeds.
I am mending my anxieties by creating, weeping, sleeping.
This past week I extended into the vast realm of fear and got my second does of the pfizer shot.
This has not been a rehabilitating experience: quite the contrary to that belief. If anything, it caused more confusion than peace.
Migraine on top of migraine on top of migraine on top of
Woah! Slow down. Breathe. Here we go. One more. In, in. Okay.
Dan’s dad took us on a day trip to Maine and although it was long, it was fulfilling. This experience was new, everlasting: I felt like I could breathe.
It was rejuvenating. I gave Maine the handshake of the century: one for the sake of new greetings! One for new experiences! One for letting go and holding on to moments that mean everything and nothing all at once.
I exist in this world for one purpose: to create purposes.
It is something that is guaranteed. It is solid. If I reached out towards the trees I could grasp this meaning tightly and let it beautifully manipulate my future into all the right directions.
Decision making is difficult, but decisions are what help keep us grounded. Sometimes lifting up is what we need, though. How long can you really stand for?
Dan and I walked through tranquility, too. Getting outside and touching toes with nature is very therapeutic, it helps keep things at ease. The incorporation of this warm New England weather has been a delightful addition as well. I love the heat. It is something worth swimming in.
I also love these moments that require no thought. Stepping outside the realm of responsibilities is crucial for peace. Stress is stressful.
I don’t think I would be as strong as I am now without Dan, especially these past few weeks. He has intertwined our never ending purposes into one oversized flower. We are graduating together, and making life changing decisions that I am more than grateful for.
You never expect to move alongside other flowers, but that simply is how gardens grow.
I am not here to spew negative implications about my life. Stability comes at a price: no road trip goes without pitstops.
Things have been chaotic but it’s nothing too hard to handle. It comes all at once and it is managed through steps.
I don’t expect things to cool down and flow quietly after this week — graduation is a milestone but it is not an ending. I have accepted this.
I am thankful to be healthy, to have opportunities, to be safe; although it can be heavy, it means I am learning, experiencing, shifting.
